30 Day Online Dating Challenge!: Day One-I Challenge You!

Yes! Once again Liberty is taking on a 30 Day Challenge to broaden the mind and broaden the soul!  This time it has nothing to do with what I am eating or how I interact with pissy people, or how many crazy things I can do in a 30 day period (that one I still engage in as often as possible, even if it isn't intentional).  Instead, this challenge will be thrusting myself out in the internet dating world with full force, learning to broaden my horizons and to communicate with others while letting my guard down and reprogramming my interacting buttons.  

Besides being single and wanting to meet women outside of the club scene or limited work pool, I have recently discovered that when using online dating sites, I have developed a routine of flying through dating profiles and using it more as a window shopping tool and not so much for what it is intended-a doorway to interacting with others and building your social circle.  I, like many others, see one quality that is written down or in a picture that disagrees with me (despite the other 10 qualities or pictures that are compatible) and immediately discard the possibility of saying hi to the individual because in my mind I am thinking, "out of the 10,000 people on this site there has to be one perfect one-my chubacabra is in here somewhere, right?  Wrong!  I am forgetting that some people might be crappy writers but are super expressive verbally and in person, others might express their insecurities about themselves and others unintentionally online making it a turn-off, but in person are some of the most brave and outgoing individuals we have ever seen.  Some might choose photos of themselves that might make you say "Hell No! or What the F***!"  yet in person you can't take your eyes off of them or find them crazy intriguing and soon hear the interesting stories about the pictures that originally turned you off.  Either way, I have to admit that most profiles are just generalizations, like doorways or book covers, they just give a taste test to what is hopefully a vast array of content.  As the old saying goes-"Don't Judge A Book By It's Cover" which is what I have started doing and can say that it has recently bit me in the ass and made me miss out on a wonderful opportunity.  

Another incorrect form of internet dating that I have developed is that I might come across someone who is awesome, cute, smart, and most importantly we communicate on paper really well-too well.  They address everything I say and share equally and eloquently.  They are interesting and thoughtful and I am sitting back in my chair waiting for more.  That isn't bad, but the problem is that is all we do!  I become an internet chatter and not an actual internet dater!  I get it, it's comfortable and secure to talk with someone via computer in the comfort and security of our own homes.  We want to hear more to make sure before we give a number or go out that this person is worth it because we have started to value and judge all our interactions to each other and don't want to waste or time...but the problem is we are replacing reality with cyberspace and not allowing any physical/social interaction to occur-which is super important and the point of dating and looking for a potential partner!  What if this is the partner we should be with, and we are wasting our time writing instead of starting our life of being together by actually meeting each other and doing something.  Instead, we build rapport via our computers; continuously talking back and forth creating a bubble of non-committed, safe and secure discourse(obviously this is different for long-distance relationship seekers but in this context we are talking about people who live within 30 miles of you).  Here, we allow our interpretation of words to create this fantasy (or nightmare) of a relationship and usually (if both parties are only writing novels to each other) it eventually fizzles out because either something gets misinterpreted and communication ceases or nothing progresses past the written page due to fear, insecurity, or lack of the commitment to getting out there and really meeting someone.  Time for Lib to burst that bubble.

So this is how the 30 day challenge works!  Every day, I will write to AT LEAST 3 women who seem interesting to me. I will not be crazy picky or serious about my picking because that has limited me already from just dating in the first place.  I will choose ladies who I feel have an interesting profile and picture, who sound and look like they could be compatible with my interests, and refrain from breaking out the chubacabra list of must and must not's that usually eliminate perfectly datable and possibly very compatible people.  

My first correspondence will be short, something relevant to what I have read about them in their profile and found interesting, and ending with a question so that I am leaving them the opportunity to reply if they so desire with a topic already in hand.  I will not write a book!  No long paragraphs about my likes or dislikes from what they said-a) that is a turn off and b) my profile, if it is written well, is already doing that for me.  I will continue to email AT LEAST 3 women every day, if I get a response great!  If not, no big deal.  Reply's to reply's will count as emailing, and at the same time I can continue to correspond and assess our compatibility while saying hello to other women.  

After 3 days of writing or 5 emails (which ever comes first), if I am still feeling good about the person, I must ask (if they haven't already done so) if they would like to meet up for coffee or a quick drink (2 drink maximum).  I don't need to make a big deal or complicated date out of it, it is just a casual meeting in a social place where I can converse with this person and see if there is any actual chemistry between us.  Things can be sooooo different in person.  I can schedule it to be short-like an hour or so-this way if it ends up being awkward we both know it will be done soon but this way if it ends up being awesome we can always extend it in to something else or immediately schedule a second.  Ideally, with this method I have an opportunity to see up to 3 people a week and if I am having a lot of success I can schedule dates for the following week.  

The point is that I shouldn't be taking this introductory process to dating so seriously as I have been, dating is supposed to be fun!  Sure, I am a 36 year old that loves being in love and is excited and determined to find my next partner in life, love and happiness, but this hunt shouldn't be so serious that I deny myself the opportunity to just introduce myself to all the amazing and interesting people that are out there that could turn out to be at the very least a wonderful friend or acquaintance.  If it bombs, it bombs, but each encounter will be a learning experience and an excellent opportunity for me to let the FUN and EXCITEMENT back in to dating.

I chose this challenge because everyone I have come across who has done this has had either fun encounters and stories to tell, developed a new social network, or had amazing luck in finding a partner.  So I propose to all of my friends who are in the same boat as me, to join me in this challenge and see what happens.  By the end of 30 days we will have written up to 90 people and have gone out up to 15 times, if not more.  My picky and sometimes shy ass has never met up with that many people in 2 years let alone a month!  If that seems like too much to you, than only do it for 10 days-you will still have written 30 people and hopefully went out with possibly 4. 

I am starting my challenge today, and will be keeping you posted as to how it is going and all the trials and tribulations in between.  Anonymity will be given to all ladies and of course I will only disclose with respect and dignity what I feel they would be comfortable and deam appropriate for a 3rd party to hear.....unless of course it is a date from hell in which case I would want you to learn from my mistakes or at least be humored by them!  Feel free to tell me about your adventures as well!

All I know is that I remember being a kid in the summer and going to the lake every day with my Ma.  I knew I would be there all day long so I needed to make the best of it and go and find someone that I wanted to play with that entire time.  I knew they didn't have to be perfect, that I wasn't going to find my best friend, all I cared about is that they were fun to be around!  It was sooooooo easy then!  I think about it now, and I realize that it is still just that easy-I just have to remember that this is supposed to be fun and a part of the journey!  Talk to you soon!