Another incorrect form of internet dating that I have developed is that I might come across someone who is awesome, cute, smart, and most importantly we communicate on paper really well-too well. They address everything I say and share equally and eloquently. They are interesting and thoughtful and I am sitting back in my chair waiting for more. That isn't bad, but the problem is that is all we do! I become an internet chatter and not an actual internet dater! I get it, it's comfortable and secure to talk with someone via computer in the comfort and security of our own homes. We want to hear more to make sure before we give a number or go out that this person is worth it because we have started to value and judge all our interactions to each other and don't want to waste or time...but the problem is we are replacing reality with cyberspace and not allowing any physical/social interaction to occur-which is super important and the point of dating and looking for a potential partner! What if this is the partner we should be with, and we are wasting our time writing instead of starting our life of being together by actually meeting each other and doing something. Instead, we build rapport via our computers; continuously talking back and forth creating a bubble of non-committed, safe and secure discourse(obviously this is different for long-distance relationship seekers but in this context we are talking about people who live within 30 miles of you). Here, we allow our interpretation of words to create this fantasy (or nightmare) of a relationship and usually (if both parties are only writing novels to each other) it eventually fizzles out because either something gets misinterpreted and communication ceases or nothing progresses past the written page due to fear, insecurity, or lack of the commitment to getting out there and really meeting someone. Time for Lib to burst that bubble.
So this is how the 30 day challenge works! Every day, I will write to AT LEAST 3 women who seem interesting to me. I will not be crazy picky or serious about my picking because that has limited me already from just dating in the first place. I will choose ladies who I feel have an interesting profile and picture, who sound and look like they could be compatible with my interests, and refrain from breaking out the chubacabra list of must and must not's that usually eliminate perfectly datable and possibly very compatible people.
My first correspondence will be short, something relevant to what I have read about them in their profile and found interesting, and ending with a question so that I am leaving them the opportunity to reply if they so desire with a topic already in hand. I will not write a book! No long paragraphs about my likes or dislikes from what they said-a) that is a turn off and b) my profile, if it is written well, is already doing that for me. I will continue to email AT LEAST 3 women every day, if I get a response great! If not, no big deal. Reply's to reply's will count as emailing, and at the same time I can continue to correspond and assess our compatibility while saying hello to other women.
After 3 days of writing or 5 emails (which ever comes first), if I am still feeling good about the person, I must ask (if they haven't already done so) if they would like to meet up for coffee or a quick drink (2 drink maximum). I don't need to make a big deal or complicated date out of it, it is just a casual meeting in a social place where I can converse with this person and see if there is any actual chemistry between us. Things can be sooooo different in person. I can schedule it to be short-like an hour or so-this way if it ends up being awkward we both know it will be done soon but this way if it ends up being awesome we can always extend it in to something else or immediately schedule a second. Ideally, with this method I have an opportunity to see up to 3 people a week and if I am having a lot of success I can schedule dates for the following week.
I chose this challenge because everyone I have come across who has done this has had either fun encounters and stories to tell, developed a new social network, or had amazing luck in finding a partner. So I propose to all of my friends who are in the same boat as me, to join me in this challenge and see what happens. By the end of 30 days we will have written up to 90 people and have gone out up to 15 times, if not more. My picky and sometimes shy ass has never met up with that many people in 2 years let alone a month! If that seems like too much to you, than only do it for 10 days-you will still have written 30 people and hopefully went out with possibly 4.
All I know is that I remember being a kid in the summer and going to the lake every day with my Ma. I knew I would be there all day long so I needed to make the best of it and go and find someone that I wanted to play with that entire time. I knew they didn't have to be perfect, that I wasn't going to find my best friend, all I cared about is that they were fun to be around! It was sooooooo easy then! I think about it now, and I realize that it is still just that easy-I just have to remember that this is supposed to be fun and a part of the journey! Talk to you soon!
