Pursuing your Passions Lesson #1032(because I am obscure and felt like writing a random and obscure number): Attracting love in to your life: Evaluate your Past when Manifesting your Future.

So to all my single bachelors and bachelorettes in the house who say "Liberty-what the hell do i have to do to get some lovin' in to my freakishly single life?!" well, this passion excerpt is just for you!

For starters, and this is the one everybody often ignores because it requires a little bit of work...oh!...see... damn, i just lost half of you with that "work" word...people, you have to invest in yourself before you are even capable of emotionally investing in anyone else unless your intent is to just get laid, and if that is the case...well....that is a completely different blog and approach that we can discuss at a later time which can still be handled with grace, manners, and respect-but we will discuss that at another time.

The intent currently is to address how to attract love, respect, vulnerability, truth, and a real connection with someone- however long that might last-in to your life. Now I say that last line not as a doomsday preface but as a believer that there are multiple types of relationships out there and it is unrealistic of anyone to believe that you are going to meet your soul-mate in the first or second try-although it does happen and if you are one of those lucky souls that did meet your soul-mate while pumping gas at Arco or while you were tail-gating at a Tegan and Sara concert well.....this is me standing up and golf clapping for your joy (yes...i am actually standing and golf clapping all dainty-like just for you).

So let's give a quick breakdown of our 3 types of relationships. First there is the soul-mate relationship we all strive for and typically see romanticized in unrealistic ways on the big screen through those awesome chick flicks from the 80's and the 90's and even more rarely nowadays...side note: I have been missing those memorable chick flicks by the way..oh shit...here comes a montage flashback!...."nobody puts baby in the corner" and "when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of the life to start as soon as possible!"(If you can name those movies, I will personally put your name down in my book of Awesome People I Need To Hang Out With and we are going to hang....with wine).

Back to business...typically, a soul-mate is one you would consider as being your teammate for life-the person that when you are around you just have the phrase running through your head, "Yup....I'm home." You are completely yourself, supported emotionally by, inspired by, and hopefully humored and living in complete gratitude and joy with when you are around them and of course they feel the same way as you when they are around you...you are in sync and a seriously deep, spiritual and energetic connection binds both of your spirits together in a way that you just know feels divine-you know what i am saying?!

Next are the "Lesson/Purpose Learned" relationships which I can safely say a majority of us folks seem to have had experienced or are currently experiencing. These types of relationships can last anywhere from a month to several years and their purpose is to combine the two of you together until one or both of you has fulfilled your quest/need/lesson/purpose while in that relationship. Usually once the lesson has been learned the relationship has nowhere to evolve to or go to from there because it had fulfilled it's purpose therefore the inevitable breakup is bound to ensue when you are consciously able to see that the relationship really is going nowhere at this point. These types of relationships have the capability of creating some of the best friendships you will ever experience or unfortunately some of the worst breakups in history depending on how they are handled.

The final type of relationship is the "Life Giving" relationship which can last 1 day to several weeks. These are the relationships that give life back to you-they literally fill you up with all kinds of good juju......hey now dirty birds.....sure there is that kind of good juju but i was speaking spiritually fool! The best part about Life Giving relationships is that they remind you that you are still the sexy bombshell or debonair and dashing man that you knew yourself to be and that you have a shitload to still offer the world and that you can be respected and treated like royalty. So yes, this can include the club-kid one nighter to the internet date that ended up lasting for a month and reminded you how to get back in the game with a smile but it just happened that your gut was telling you it wasn't the right fit so you should move on amicably.

So how do you achieve the soul mate relationship? First and foremost check in with yourself! Look back at all of your past relationships and think about where they fell in the line of these 3 types of relationships. If it was life giving, ask yourself why and how did that person make you feel, what did they do? Write it down, remember what you loved- because it is that good juju that you want to take with you when manifesting your desired future. Having felt how you want to feel, it is like a magnet of great emotions that you have already had the pleasure of experiencing and knowing it is achievable, so continue to feel those feelings from the past in your present to attract what you want to have come to you. While you are sitting at your desk, continue to feel how you felt when you were walking in the alley 6 months ago and the partner you were seeing had come up behind you and whispered in your ear how sexy you are and then stopped to give you this amazing, penetrating kiss that just stopped time and...well...made you need to change your underwear! Continue stopping time dammit!-imagine it happened to you 5 minutes ago and that it is going to happen again and again and again! You will feel like you are on cloud nine and I swear people-others will see it and notice and be effected by it!

If in your assessment you find that most of your relationships were Lesson Learned relationships, first and foremost let any and all negative bullshit go. The bastard cheated-fine-don't continue to give your energy away to him by reliving it over and over in your mind trying to figure out where you went wrong or how did it all get started-they don't deserve any more of your time and energy-you do! She chose her career over you and moved away-fine! Realize that the Universe is taking this person from your life because you no longer are best suited for each other and that there is someone out there that is-so save that pining for instead positively manifesting someone who appreciates you for you and who has all the qualities you are looking for. Cut the chords and attachments to these people or situations with gratitude instead-think of all the wonderful moments and attributes that the relationship provided for you and bless it. Relive the history-the GOOD HISTORY-and have gratitude for it. Sure her long hair would constantly be clogging up the bathroom drain which is how she ended up having the affair with the plumber but she was sooooo good at listening to you and communicating her appreciation for you and leaving you little gifts when you least expected it that made you smile and feel wicked good all day long. Choose to remember THOSE THINGS and write them down on the "want in my next relationship" list-and feel all that good juju-re-experience it and live in the present as if you already are about to open the cute little handwritten note that your hottie from home left in your pocketbook. Seriously, hold on to those concepts partner-it is healthier for your heart and mind (and for the kids if you have kids involved in a split parental home), it will seriously make you the lady or gentleman of grace that you should want to strive to be, and in general it will make you the better soul for it while setting you up for success in your next relationship.

So kiddos-evaluating the lessons and pulling the positive from all of your past experiences and stewing in that awesome juju is the first step in manifesting your future partner and starting this pursuit of passionate relationships. It will allow you to know exactly what you loved and appreciated so that you can include those attributes in to manifesting your next partner and at the same time it allows you to forgive and grow beyond the limits that a negative or confining past relationship can have on you which would normally prevent or effect any relationship that you are trying to begin to grow in a "weed-free" environment.

Until next time-Peace be with you, go do something weird that makes people do a double-take and smile, and remember that this life truly is what you make it.

Liberty

Kill Your Television.....is it as easy as it sounds?

Kill Your Television!!!  Is It really as easy as it sounds?  To go home after work and instead of turning the boob tube on for some gibber-gabber, a silly satire, and an adventure packed movie, you settle for switching on the tunes, painting on some canvas, and doing some late-night cookie birthing.  Maybe.  Maybe it is just that easy.  I do know, however, that the idiot box and myself have a long-history of wasting hours (and my consciousness) away and just severing that chord will not be as easy as it sounds.  Actually it will, it just will take some time by using the consciousness that normally would have been fully developed (like a bicep the size of a bowling ball) by now but unfortunately I have been mesmerized by the talking cube of negativity.  
"What is with this dribble?" you may ask?
Well-after hearing that a long-standing friend (and person of inspiration for me) was on 36 years without a television I had to admit I was crazy impressed and dumbfounded at the same time.  I mean, I am not ignorant and know of many people who go without a television for long periods of time.  I am just not one of them.  In fact, this child was brought up with the tube as her surrogate baby sitter.  I had Jim Henson's puppets and Wonder Woman's long legs and boobs to keep me company during my wee little years. 

 Hey now, I was a sponge with books, but this budding actor's love for acting had me infatuated with tv at an extremely young age-and that was a drug that I took to like white on rice!
So, for retrospect, I compiled all the hours that I have spent watching tv in my head-averaging 4 hours a day-that is 1459.9 hours a year!!!  That is 60.8 days of doing nothing but sitting in front of the tube and checking out!  That means that for every 6 years of my tv-watching life, I am spending 1 of those years doing nothing but watching tv!!! I realized, "HOLY SHIT!!! What a waste of time in my life!!!" 

I would love to use the excuse that I am "researching" by watching the tube, but realistically what the hell am I researching as an actor by watching reality shows like The Bachelor or Top Chef?  How to get an absolute stranger to fall in love and propose to me or how to make ice cream out of bacon, ice, and nitrogen oxide in 20 minutes???  Naturally for my existence to continue it is absolutely necessary for me to know how to make bacon ice cream while seducing men on tv-right?
So last night I made the decision that I would start weening down my tv time to 2 hours or less every day and start using that other time to be more social with my friends, whip out my artistic ideas on canvas, or be more proactive with pursuing my acting career. 
 Cutting tv time doesn't sound like a big deal but let me tell you, it REALLY makes you evaluate what kind of programming your going to want to watch when you are limited to only 2 hours!  That is just enough time for 1 movie or 2-1 hour shows.....no aimless channel surfing or netflix browsing here anymore! What was interesting to watch was my girlfriend was being very supportive and showed interest in this new-found challenge of mine, but she would easily get sucked in to what my roommate was watching on the tube-I think it was  G.I.Jane or something.  I was whizzing through the living room and made a comment and she was humorously baffled because she didn't even realize she was getting sucked in to the program in the first place.  That made me realize that the power the television has at distracting us and removing us from reality is just as powerful as drugs or alcohol! 

I mean think about it, just like needing your morning cigarette or afternoon/afterwork toddy Marge needs her Wheel of Fortune and Matt needs his Sunday Night Football.  Play an actual game with your kids or go to an actual football game with your friends.  Turn the tube off and put the social back in your life, it's more than just updating your status on facebook to "Finished watching Lost-WTF!!!"
So I will keep you posted on my luck at cutting back on the tv time-and more importantly-I will be including stories of all the new adventures that I am having with all of my free time!
Till next time-I propose to you to ween back on your tv time and explore what you do with all that free time~Liberty 

30 Day Online Dating Challenge!: Day One-I Challenge You!

Yes! Once again Liberty is taking on a 30 Day Challenge to broaden the mind and broaden the soul!  This time it has nothing to do with what I am eating or how I interact with pissy people, or how many crazy things I can do in a 30 day period (that one I still engage in as often as possible, even if it isn't intentional).  Instead, this challenge will be thrusting myself out in the internet dating world with full force, learning to broaden my horizons and to communicate with others while letting my guard down and reprogramming my interacting buttons.  

Besides being single and wanting to meet women outside of the club scene or limited work pool, I have recently discovered that when using online dating sites, I have developed a routine of flying through dating profiles and using it more as a window shopping tool and not so much for what it is intended-a doorway to interacting with others and building your social circle.  I, like many others, see one quality that is written down or in a picture that disagrees with me (despite the other 10 qualities or pictures that are compatible) and immediately discard the possibility of saying hi to the individual because in my mind I am thinking, "out of the 10,000 people on this site there has to be one perfect one-my chubacabra is in here somewhere, right?  Wrong!  I am forgetting that some people might be crappy writers but are super expressive verbally and in person, others might express their insecurities about themselves and others unintentionally online making it a turn-off, but in person are some of the most brave and outgoing individuals we have ever seen.  Some might choose photos of themselves that might make you say "Hell No! or What the F***!"  yet in person you can't take your eyes off of them or find them crazy intriguing and soon hear the interesting stories about the pictures that originally turned you off.  Either way, I have to admit that most profiles are just generalizations, like doorways or book covers, they just give a taste test to what is hopefully a vast array of content.  As the old saying goes-"Don't Judge A Book By It's Cover" which is what I have started doing and can say that it has recently bit me in the ass and made me miss out on a wonderful opportunity.  

Another incorrect form of internet dating that I have developed is that I might come across someone who is awesome, cute, smart, and most importantly we communicate on paper really well-too well.  They address everything I say and share equally and eloquently.  They are interesting and thoughtful and I am sitting back in my chair waiting for more.  That isn't bad, but the problem is that is all we do!  I become an internet chatter and not an actual internet dater!  I get it, it's comfortable and secure to talk with someone via computer in the comfort and security of our own homes.  We want to hear more to make sure before we give a number or go out that this person is worth it because we have started to value and judge all our interactions to each other and don't want to waste or time...but the problem is we are replacing reality with cyberspace and not allowing any physical/social interaction to occur-which is super important and the point of dating and looking for a potential partner!  What if this is the partner we should be with, and we are wasting our time writing instead of starting our life of being together by actually meeting each other and doing something.  Instead, we build rapport via our computers; continuously talking back and forth creating a bubble of non-committed, safe and secure discourse(obviously this is different for long-distance relationship seekers but in this context we are talking about people who live within 30 miles of you).  Here, we allow our interpretation of words to create this fantasy (or nightmare) of a relationship and usually (if both parties are only writing novels to each other) it eventually fizzles out because either something gets misinterpreted and communication ceases or nothing progresses past the written page due to fear, insecurity, or lack of the commitment to getting out there and really meeting someone.  Time for Lib to burst that bubble.

So this is how the 30 day challenge works!  Every day, I will write to AT LEAST 3 women who seem interesting to me. I will not be crazy picky or serious about my picking because that has limited me already from just dating in the first place.  I will choose ladies who I feel have an interesting profile and picture, who sound and look like they could be compatible with my interests, and refrain from breaking out the chubacabra list of must and must not's that usually eliminate perfectly datable and possibly very compatible people.  

My first correspondence will be short, something relevant to what I have read about them in their profile and found interesting, and ending with a question so that I am leaving them the opportunity to reply if they so desire with a topic already in hand.  I will not write a book!  No long paragraphs about my likes or dislikes from what they said-a) that is a turn off and b) my profile, if it is written well, is already doing that for me.  I will continue to email AT LEAST 3 women every day, if I get a response great!  If not, no big deal.  Reply's to reply's will count as emailing, and at the same time I can continue to correspond and assess our compatibility while saying hello to other women.  

After 3 days of writing or 5 emails (which ever comes first), if I am still feeling good about the person, I must ask (if they haven't already done so) if they would like to meet up for coffee or a quick drink (2 drink maximum).  I don't need to make a big deal or complicated date out of it, it is just a casual meeting in a social place where I can converse with this person and see if there is any actual chemistry between us.  Things can be sooooo different in person.  I can schedule it to be short-like an hour or so-this way if it ends up being awkward we both know it will be done soon but this way if it ends up being awesome we can always extend it in to something else or immediately schedule a second.  Ideally, with this method I have an opportunity to see up to 3 people a week and if I am having a lot of success I can schedule dates for the following week.  

The point is that I shouldn't be taking this introductory process to dating so seriously as I have been, dating is supposed to be fun!  Sure, I am a 36 year old that loves being in love and is excited and determined to find my next partner in life, love and happiness, but this hunt shouldn't be so serious that I deny myself the opportunity to just introduce myself to all the amazing and interesting people that are out there that could turn out to be at the very least a wonderful friend or acquaintance.  If it bombs, it bombs, but each encounter will be a learning experience and an excellent opportunity for me to let the FUN and EXCITEMENT back in to dating.

I chose this challenge because everyone I have come across who has done this has had either fun encounters and stories to tell, developed a new social network, or had amazing luck in finding a partner.  So I propose to all of my friends who are in the same boat as me, to join me in this challenge and see what happens.  By the end of 30 days we will have written up to 90 people and have gone out up to 15 times, if not more.  My picky and sometimes shy ass has never met up with that many people in 2 years let alone a month!  If that seems like too much to you, than only do it for 10 days-you will still have written 30 people and hopefully went out with possibly 4. 

I am starting my challenge today, and will be keeping you posted as to how it is going and all the trials and tribulations in between.  Anonymity will be given to all ladies and of course I will only disclose with respect and dignity what I feel they would be comfortable and deam appropriate for a 3rd party to hear.....unless of course it is a date from hell in which case I would want you to learn from my mistakes or at least be humored by them!  Feel free to tell me about your adventures as well!

All I know is that I remember being a kid in the summer and going to the lake every day with my Ma.  I knew I would be there all day long so I needed to make the best of it and go and find someone that I wanted to play with that entire time.  I knew they didn't have to be perfect, that I wasn't going to find my best friend, all I cared about is that they were fun to be around!  It was sooooooo easy then!  I think about it now, and I realize that it is still just that easy-I just have to remember that this is supposed to be fun and a part of the journey!  Talk to you soon!

 

Have you ever had one of those moments, when meeting someone that you find interesting for the first time, and you basically sound and act like a complete boob-your just sitting there being this energetic ball of dumbass?  You listen and have this almost uncontrollable laughter at that which seems funny only your laugh seems a bit extended and strained...and your normally articulate soul can only sound out one to three word syllables for all your replies like "right" or "right on" or "totally."  REALLY LIBERTY?   My calm, cool, and collected disposition when I am relaxed just sailed out the window and I am sitting there listening to what is coming out of my mouth and looking at my fidgety arms and hands like they are alien limbs with minds of their own and I am going "What the HELL is wrong with you-chill the f**k out!" 

I had one of those moments last night when meeting someone I had been writing online to for a while and who wanted to meet and chat.  What was supposed to be Liberty making a good and fun first impression with a potential friend turned more in to a flaming ball of awkwardness-at least with what I was feeling on my end.  If we want to go all psycho/self analyzing, perhaps I was slightly intimidated by this person because I perceived her as being a very interesting and powerful soul, thus opening the door and allowing my ego to start judging my words and reactions and critiquing myself thus taking me out of  just being in that present moment where I should be enjoying myself and just enjoying the atmosphere.

I sent a quick text when I got home saying that i enjoyed myself and thought she was cool and would like to meet up again-mentioning that my sparatic energy bursts do mellow out and they were attributed to meeting for the first time.  Haven't heard anything yet tho so who knows!

I am not writing to hear replies that i am a cool person and that if she is understanding that she will recognize i was nervous and will overlook that.  I already know to think that, but I do have to face the music and be honest with myself.  First impressions are first impressions, and I don't think mine was a very good one.  I can easily write my humor and emotions and express my voice and ideology on paper without any problem; so after 20 great messages back and forth, she probably had a certain expectation as to what she would encounter when meeting me and it was going to be either verified or denied by my actual first impression.

(Laughing)  So I say to you all who have or will be in this position, continue to laugh at yourself.  Laugh at this random high school like reaction, recognizing that at times we really do care way too much about what other people think of us, that we should shut the inner ctitic up and just relish this youthful dumbfoundedness that we are feeling when meeting people for the first time-own it and enjoy it! Till next time~